I've spent the past four and a half years putting this off... I can't put it off any longer. I know how to lose weight, I've done it before, and the only hard part is keeping the committment.
I started on Sunday by joining the local YMCA. I tried a Gold's Gym once before, but I feel REALLY bad about the way that I look and I have to admit, I was too intimidated by all of the toned bodies in spandex- every trip was like torture for my self-esteem. So, this time my husband and I will try out the Y, it seems a little more family oriented and the best part: free childcare for my 18 month old son!
So, Monday morning comes and I wake up with high hopes for the day... Then I think, "uh-oh... what am I going to wear?" as I realize that all of my "workout clothes" are at least 3 sizes too small! So, I do the humiliating trip down to the mall to Lane Bryant (which is a plus size store for women, in case you didn't know). I pick out some cute sweats and a hoodie to try on... I need an even BIGGER size than what I thought!!! I try on a size bigger and it's bearable, so I purchase two sets, in "please don't notice me" gray, and another in "hopefully this pretty color will take the focus off my HUGE body" blue. And I'm off!
I stop by at my grandmother's house to change because I still haven't gotten a gym bag and I refuse to carry a Lane Bryant bag into the Y with me... I explain where I'm headed and she tells me she's proud of me and that it's about time that I do something about it (which I guess is encouraging). Okay, now I'm all decked out in my spanking new outfit (the blue one) and I'm headed to the gym, all the way repeating to myself, "you can do this, you can do this, you can do this..." See, I'm 6'3" tall and I used to weigh 170. Now I'm still 6'3" and I weigh in at just under 300!!! When I had my son a year and a half ago, I was up to 360 pounds. I've managed to drop about 65 pounds so far, but I have to admit that I haven't really been trying too hard. Anyway, I am EXTREMELY self-conscious about the way people must look at me, and it bothers me to think of people watching me workout (I know, who cares, right? I care. I appauld you if you don't care what people think).
Okay, I pull into the parking lot, and after several self-motivating pep-talks, thinking positively about the situation, I get my son out of the car seat and head inside. The woman at the desk smiles and scans my membership card and directs me to the childcare center. I drop my son off and stick around for a minute to watch him play with the other kids (he's never been to daycare or anything, so this is a new experience for him). Due to the very attractive "Choo-choo" trains, he doesn't even notice that I'm gone, so I decide it's okay to go.
Now I'm walking back toward the fitness center, no child in my arms to hide my noticably flabby body... so I give myself another pep-talk and keep going... They have this cool program called "fitlinkx" that will keep track of all of your weightlifting progress and I decide to start by signing up for that... I'm met on the other side of the counter by a high school guy, who is probably 5'7" and not an ounce over 130 pounds... "Okay, I can do this, right?" Anyway, he gives me a form to fill out, and silly me, I fill it out honestly before reading the entire thing. There are a bunch of health questions to answer... I answer "no" to all but two: "have you ever had any surgury?" (I had a C-section with my son) and "have you ever had any back problems?" (who hasn't?). Then, as I'm handing the form back to skinny boy, I notice that it says that if you answer "yes" to two or more questions that you have to have a release from your doctor to enroll in the stupid program! The guy looks at it, and says, "I'll just need your physician's fax number to get a release from him." I've only been to see this doctor one time and it was when I was sick (my husband and I recently moved to the area), but I give him the number and he says it'll take up to 10 days to process.
Okay, I decide to settle for a bike ride instead... FINALLY, I get to the exercising part!!! So, the Y has these AWESOME bikes that have a screen and you can listen to whatever kind of music you want while you ride through whatever kind of scenery you choose (there are over 30 to choose from). You even have to steer the bike or it runs off the "road". It keeps track of how far you're going, how fast, your heart rate, etc.. and there are even ghost riders in the program. It's almost like a video game. So, I choose to ride through the Redwood forest... It's pretty cool, I get my heart rate up to a max of 162, with an average of about 138 (I figure that's good for fat loss). I stay on the bike for about 25 minutes... Hmmm... I realize when I'm finished that once I started and because I had something to look at, I was totally unaware of my surroundings and I didn't even think about the fact that there were probably people watching me get all sweaty. This bike is AWESOME!!!
I'm finished with the bike and it's about 5:30pm. The Y is getting really busy, and I don't like one person watching me, much less a whole crowd, so I decide it's time to go. So I go back to get my son, and find him happily playing with the other kids... He really enjoyed himself; he didn't want to leave! This makes me feel really good, so I get him and we're off to make some dinner.
The first experience at the Y was not a bad one, and I feel good for going and finally doing something active. I hope I can keep it up. I'm trying to be very positive this time- but sometimes it's hard. Sometimes I wish I could fast forward to a slimmer me, but I know that I'll just have to wait and keep working on it. I keep telling myself that time passes so quickly that it'll be summer before I know it and I'll have lost another 65 pounds!!!
